The 21st-century 20-something

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Why chivalry is dead, from a woman's perspective

A seemingly nice guy name John Picciuto wrote what started out to be a great Tumblr post called 'Why Chivalry Is Dead, From A Man's Perspective.'

I began reading it, and was totally in John's corner at first. He was raised Italian, similar to myself, and learned the right way to treat women -- with respect. Something lost on most of the hair-gelled, Ed Hardy-wearing douchebags of my generation.

He was also right saying that we live in the 'hook-up' era, where sex comes before marriage and not far after 'Nice to meet you,' making actual 'dating' nearly obsolete.  

This is where the article started to go downhill for me:

"The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. We no longer have to put in the effort of flowers, chocolates, dates, etc., and if we do, we come off as stage-five clingers."

John, let me make something very clear for you, it is not 'women' in general that have become complacent, it is a certain type of woman. The type that men, like yourself, seem to seek out. The women that are validated by sexual relationships and have very little respect for themselves, so why in God's name would they expect respect from you? This, my friend, is the real problem.

Though you obviously don't realize it, there are women out there - like myself - who greatly appreciate opened doors and nice dinners, purely for the effort made on your part to be respectful. I am very capable of opening a door and feeding myself, but these are just subtle cues that you may be a nice person that I may like to spend time with. And you certainly aren't 'getting any' from me just for that. Some girls are more than happy to go home with a guy for a $2 beer - this is why we are all getting a bad rap as women.

John also goes on to say:

"Eventually, I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex."

This is infuriating to me. Women need to ask for what they deserve? No, John, you as a man need to act right and treat women how your nice Italian grandmother advised you to.

But John is right about one thing, what men ultimately want is sex. That is why chivalry is dead. All day, everyday a man will go with a woman willing to give it up, over one they have to work for. Most people take the shortest road to their destination, but don't make it our fault that you're taking shortcuts in life and will end up suffering the consequences. Why do men take home the drunk girl they talked to for 5 minutes at the bar grinding all over them, instead of the girl they went on 10 dates with, who has a good job and a killer sense of humor and can hold an intelligent conversation? Your guess is as good as mine.

Sex and relationships, like most other things in life, are about quality not quantity. When men stop being lazy and seeking out the women who are going to give them what they want immediately, regardless of their compatibility or character, we will be on the right track again.

Bottom line, when men start to have standards and are willing to put the time and energy into finding a quality partner - chivalry may have a chance to re-emerge.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's no ones fault and everyones fault

October 30, 2013 at 2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Equality sucks now...huh?
If you wanted to be taken seriously as an advocate for gender equality, then denounce your stance that women deserve anything from men.
Women are fully capable of paying for their own meals and movie tickets and gasp...opening their own doors. Your double standards enforce the patriarchal notion that women need men. Come on over to the side of gender neutrality, it is the 21 centruy afterall.

January 5, 2014 at 5:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more with the last post, as these things have nothing to do with "respect" as much as a form of ownership, and entitlement (ownership by men, and entitlement by women). As for being upset about a generalization about women, while making you own generalizations about men, let's be realistic; generalizations exist simply because the majority view of that group IS that way.

April 24, 2014 at 11:33 AM  

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