The 21st-century 20-something

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Give yourself time to heal after a breakup

As we all know, I am no expert on love. I have, however, learned many things about love through my experiences and observing others in both healthy and unhealthy relationships.

One thing I've definitely learned, is that you absolutely can not transition directly from a breakup into being friends again. It never very rarely works.

Some people think if the breakup was amicable, and they had a friendship with the person beforehand, they can break up and still casually hang out. False. It always ends in either constant discussions about your prior relationship or touching each other inappropriately, leaving both parties confused, resentful and/or wallowing in sadness and regret.

I feel as though I should define the difference between a relationship and someone you casually 'hook up' with (trust me, it grosses me out as much to type that term as it does for you to read it). If you stop casually hooking up, and try to be friends again, that can work. Since there was no commitment in the first place, there isn't much room for either person to be upset when and if all relations stop. However, if you're in an actual exclusive relationship, and you break up, it is hard enough to deal with without added pressure of hanging out and having to be careful of what you say and how you act.

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Location: New York, United States

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